@TheCatWhisprer: *intermittently glances at phone while placing order for 6 burritos so the Chipotle lady thinks they're for multiple people*
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@GibJimson: Being the tallest person at work, leads me to believe they hired me because they were short staffed.
@uMakeMeBad: At Walmart with a box of condoms and a Barbie play set, now I need to pick the right cashier to ensure maximum awkwardness for us both.
@DurtMcHurtt: [meeting girlfriend at the park] Her: Surprise! I made us a picnic! Me: *unfolding emergency bib from wallet* Holy shit let's do this.
@Duke1173: You're telling me that you paid eight dollars for a cup of coffee... They don't put any booze in it or nothin?