@michaelianblack: Internet, just because I bought shoes from you once doesn't mean I'm going to do it again. You're coming across as desperate.
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@iwearaonesie: if you want your wife to take you seriously, don't throw your sippy cup during an argument
@IbecameMyDad: If someone brought me coffee right now I would follow them around like an imprinted baby bird forever.
@BruceForce: Thought it would be romantic to serenade this girl with some Elvis. I swear that's the last time I sing "You ain't nothin but a hound dog"