@briangaar: [interrupts history professor] THAT HAPPENED ON MY BIRTHDAY
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@JohnMayer: Yogurt does nothing. Creamy nonsense. You ever finished a yogurt cup and felt like it made a difference? Like throwing a shoe at a bear.
@OneFunnyMummy: Silent Night is my favorite song about my kids staying at their grandparent's house.
@DaHess1: Tonight's flirtation brought to you by the letter Booze. It's a word? Whatever, man. I don't know algebra and shit.
@StevenKJohnson: Game of Thrones: Now with 100 percent more zombies! The Walking Dead should fire back by adding kingdoms.