@i_wasnt_looking: Pharmacy employee you're too unhappy for someone who is in control of all the drugs.

@ChipKellysBalls: It should be a rule that if you're going to put you kid on a leash, you can't be mad if someone walks up, asks if they bite, and pets them

@Amburglar_: If someone came to my door & said "We'll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink." I'd be living large.

@apok842: I hope Hell freezes over soon. A few women have promised me dates when it happens.

@daemonic3: MILLION DOLLAR IDEA: An alarm clock that sounds like a dog's pre-puke warning grunts.