@walks_on_legs: Interview tip: maintain eye contact. If they try to look at documents, put your head between them and the documents.
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@HatfieldAnne: Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck. Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs.
@SteveSuckington: The only thing worse than sitting down on a cold toilet seat is sitting down on a warm toilet seat.
@longwall26: Pretty funny that turtles are always in uniform. It's like lighten up, turtles. The war is over.
@candy_badass: Loneliness Status: Eating donuts and talking to the dog. He seems interested, but I think it's the donut.