@JoePetroske: Interview Tip: When you get the "where do you see yourself in 5 years" question, don't say "post-apocalyptic tribal warlord".
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@david8hughes: [doc walks in holding up my X-rays with one hand & giving a thumbs down with the other] Bad news, pal. You're a skeleton.
@Kyle_Lippert: *plugs my phone in to charge when it's at 80%* *lets the low battery warning on my fire alarm beep for 6 months*
@timdonakowski: Okay, wait a second. I pee, I do my belt, THEN I wash my hands. I don't know about you but I've never, ever washed my belt.