@TheBoydP: Interviewer: Any questions?
Me: Why don’t they put a scratch and sniff box on recipes?
@jonnysun: LIFE HACK: give ur next child a normal name
ME: are u still mad that ur mother and i named u Life Hack
@CatherineLMK: Shaking hands is so weird:
"Nice to meet you, have some germs and dead skin cells."
@SergioValenCo: ''You will die alone.'' I hate fortune cookies. Wait! This is a note from my mom!
@AimeeHelene1: They should make fortune cookies with more obtainable fortunes:
You will vacuum the living room.
You will run into the coffee table.
@Pundamentalism: I've got butterflies in my stomach this morning, and a lifetime ban from the Entomology section at the Natural History Museum.