@TheBoydP: Interviewer: Any questions?
Me: Why don’t they put a scratch and sniff box on recipes?
@aveuaskew: Tell me I'm beautiful
Tell me I'm a genius
"You're a genius"
"Just give me the toilet paper, please"
@djangogold: if you can't handle me at my worst, you're probably that gutless Outback Steakhouse shift manager who called the cops on me last night
@lisaxy424: *makes plans with someone*
(30 seconds later) what have I done
@joejwest: ME: Who do you want to be at my Frozen-themed party?
FRIEND: Let me be Olaf or Elsa
ME: Ok but never threaten me in an Italian accent again
@markleggett: I tried to take a photo of a huge bug in my bathroom, but when I put a coin next to it for scale IT TOOK THE COIN AND PUT IT IN ITS WALLET.