@TheBoydP: Interviewer: Any questions?
Me: Why don’t they put a scratch and sniff box on recipes?
@LegoGodzilla: Dangerously attractive guitars get added to the sexy fenders register.
@llvvzz: Literally nothing has had less of an impact towards changing my life than that inspirational quote you posted on social media.
@J0hnnyBlaze: The word "beard" comes from an old Latin phrase meaning "sit on my face"
@JohnFugelsang: Millions stunned and blindsided to learn Tim Allen had been on a network sitcom for like the last six years or something
@Cheeseboy22: The lady behind me in line at Target was frustrated I was writing a check, so I got out a feather pen and ink bottle and did it right.