@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how do you feel about traveling?
Me: oh I dont know, I mean I just met you
@Bandersnaaatch: Trapped on a train in the snow, and honestly, none of these people look appetizing.
@briangaar: Son your teacher called, she said you wrote "AQUAMAN RULZ" all over your math test. [sigh] First of all, Aquaman doesnt have any good powers
@emmkaff: Scientists: Don't freak out about Ebola.
Scientists: Freak out about climate change.
Everyone: LOL! Pass me some coal.
@_b1p0larbear: Long story short: Always check headphones for spiders before you put them on.
@Vodkantots: How to deal with anger and resentment toward someone:
1. Write down feelings and put message in a bottle
2. Break bottle over person's head