@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how do you feel about traveling?
Me: oh I dont know, I mean I just met you
@YesThatAmy: What did I do before Twitter? Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY?!?!
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: "It's chilly out."
Me: "Tell me something I don't know."
"Two dogs were hanged during the Salem witch trials."
"Fair enough, Carl."
@samalmightysam: Do you like water? Yes? Well, then you already like 60% to 70% of me.
@Bob_Heller: I've eaten so many cheeseburgers, my hula hoop is just a fancy waist bracelet.
@JanelSantaCruz: Shoutout to Batman for being a true American and proving the only superpower you need is money.