@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how do you feel about traveling?
Me: oh I dont know, I mean I just met you
@Cheeseboy22: Something I like to do when I'm voting is tell to turn to the person at the stall next to me and whisper, "What did you put for number 3?"
@behindyourback: If Jesus loves me how come he's never liked a single one of my instagram selfies
@Mikecanrant: T Rex isnt so scary if you imagine a bunch of baby T Rexes watching Barney just giggling and rolling around on the ground playing with keys.
@rolldiggity: Throw a pizza down a manhole. Wait five minutes. Throw a grenade down. You just killed the Ninja Turtles.
@aLunchBox: I hate when fire trucks drive real slow with the siren on. There's one behind me right now. So annoying.