@michael_raphone: INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed "gets jokes" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha
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@_davidsc: Rememeber when Uruguay fans got angry at Paul Dummett for injuring Suarez & then used Google Translate to insult him
@MakesYouGiggle: Sometimes I dance on my bed half naked & sing into my hairbrush.... and other days... I take my medication.
@BubbleNuggets2u: I could've sworn there was less grunting and moaning the last time I put these pants on... Maybe the donut in my mouth muffled it
@dafloydsta: [on a date] *wonders if she'll steal my fries while I use the restroom* *shakes Magic 8 ball* "YES" *takes plate of fries with me*