@michael_raphone: INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed "gets jokes" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha
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@PanicRestroom: I didn't say you are fat, I just said that going out with you feels like going on a double date
@AdviceFromDino: Asked for Cheez-its Wife buys Cheese Nips Now she's sitting in the corner thinking about what she did.
@_mcgoof: Why are there 2 dragon smileys on Whatsapp? "He winked at me, I should send him a dragon head." "No babe, this calls for a full dragon."
@Tommytoughstuff: *Puts air guitar back in air case* "Listen if you wanted a "real guitarist" maybe you should put that in the ad!"