@michael_raphone: INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed "gets jokes" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha
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@joeyhuggles: Wifey is giving me the Silent Treatment for spending the entire night on Twitter. Win/Win, you guys... Win/Win.
@anhonestmess: A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.
@egg_dog: Joseph: could you put the shopping away, there's a fish & some bread on- oh no *house is overflowing with fish & bread* Jesus: i am so sorry
@MamaFizzles: My kids made a mess this morning pretending to be leprechauns. They don't know it yet, but after school they get to pretend to be janitors.