@michael_raphone: INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed "gets jokes" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha
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@just1fool: I leave the window open at night hoping a drunk criminal will accidentally drop a bag of money inside while trying to break in.
@joshgondelman: Whenever I watch a home invasion thriller, I'm mostly terrified by how I'll never be able to afford to own a home.
@ghostkrogh: fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due me: say it fred: pls no me: i'm not paying fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due me: haha