@michael_raphone: INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed "gets jokes" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha
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@usermcuserface: Manager to waiter: Wait for it.. Wait for it.. (Sees me take a huge bite of food) Go! Go! Go! Waiter: so how is everything today?
@DanMentos: Today I learned two things: 1. Build-A-Bear Workshop only lets you stuff fake animals 2. Mall security guards get to use real handcuffs
@Home_Halfway: COP: You're allowed 1 phone call ME: I'm gonna call your mom & tell on you for arresting me COP: *nervously sweating* Why would you do that