@PoliUncorrect: Interviewer: we need someone experienced, this job will break you... Worm: (slowly breaks itself in two while maintaining eye contact)
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@kelkulus: They say don't dress for the job you have, but for the job you want. Still, I think I look pretty stupid waiting tables in a spacesuit.
@michaelianblack: The only thing that would prevent my wife from going to Pilates class would be if they invented a more expensive form of exercise.
@CheetoBandito77: I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn't reach the cookies in the cupboard.