INTERVIEWER:How good are your public speaking skills? ME:*from behind a tall plant in the office, I throw a piece of paper saying 'Decent'*

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@Home_Halfway: INTERVIEWER:How good are your public speaking skills?

ME:*from behind a tall plant in the office, I throw a piece of paper saying 'Decent'*

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@sofarrsogud: *makes 9 yr old son memorise my phone number in case he gets lost [He gets lost] *I don't answer my phone as I don't recognise the number

@Dr_awfulpants: *calls Rosetta Stone* Yes hi I was wondering if you had a course on body language *my friend choking on buffalo wings clutches his throat*

@NurseMurderer: The camera adds like 10-15 crooked teeth. -Steve Buscemi

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@Playing_Dad: *Clark Kent leaves his glasses on the coffeemaker at work* Lois: Anyone see the coffeemaker? You, with the glasses...seen the coffeemaker?

@AmberTozer: If I ever find a dead body while I'm hiking I'm gonna be like finally

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