@markleggett: "When you wish upon a star, it takes trillions of years for the wish to get there, and by that stage you're dead." - Neil deGrasse Tyson.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: I just got asked to work on a "special project" which is boss for "This was assigned to me but you're smarter so here you do it."

@extranapkins: Remember "pantsing" people in high school... sneaking up behind one of your bros and slipping an extra pair of pants on over his pants

@thepunningman: "Why do you wanna work at Clickbait Enterprises?" Here's 10 reasons why I should get the job "ok" Number 7 will shock you "You're hired"

@XplodingUnicorn: My 4-year-old sang in church for the first time. So what if it was the wrong song? There's never a bad time for "We Will Rock You."