@trevso_electric: "Smells fresh. Like a tropical island." "Ok. Now take off the blindfold! Your family's been dead in this car for a week! We Febrezed it!"

@JasonLastname: As the officer approached my car I took a big pull of helium from the balloon and started crying

@JennyJohnsonHi5: Don't forget to celebrate Columbus Day by moving in to someone else's house and telling everyone it's yours, then closing the post office.

@Cryptoterra: nicole kidman please name your next child Teendude

@WhatevaConc: The weatherman keeps saying we are getting a pounding. *Followed*