@JessObsess: *Invents silent snack packages. *Becomes president of the United States.
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@Curt__Burt: Very sad to hear about Donald Trump. Nothing happened to him I'm just sad to hear about him
@RocketRankoon: My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: the one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.
@AmishPornStar1: You know you're getting old when you sound like a women's tennis match just trying to get out of bed.
@ilovepie84: I only shave half my face in case that I get arrested so that they will have two different side profile pictures.