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@Tommytoughstuff: *Involved in high speed chase*
*Uses turn signals*
@koalaslament: DATING TIP: show her your hula hoop skills. keep adding hula hoops. you're now a slinky. everybody loves a slinky.
@sammyrhodes: S is my favorite letter because it changes biscuit to biscuits.
@BDGarp: Me: Have fun on your date.
Son: What if she drinks too much, or gets high?
Me: You really aren't my kid are you?
@AnkCoupleTO: Her: The laundry pods are missing!
Me: Oh really?
H: Did you eat them again?
M: Absolutely not *burps bubbles* why?
H: JUST CALL IT A HUNCH!
@tastefactory: COP: Damn I left my regular handcuffs at home, all I have is these candy handcuffs. I trust that u won't eat ur way out of these