@andylassner: iPhone 6: For people who don't mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
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@Carbosly: Me: My sex life is like your car. Friend: What? Sleek, performance-inspired, 6-speed, classic & acclaimed? Me: Nope. Electric powered.
@mrtruthandsoul: If you see a porcupine in your yard, that's my cat and we're not done with our accupuncture session.
@Donna_McCoy: *my casket slowly begins lowering into the ground* me, knocking from inside: "Wait, I have to pee."
@drinksmcgee: My boss wrote accidently wrote "Pantera" instead of "Panera" and now I'm dressed really inappropriately for this business lunch.