@andylassner: iPhone 6: For people who don't mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [sees co-worker the next day after failing to kill him on purge night] mondays am i right?
@MarfSalvador: [Morgue] Cop: Sir, I know it's tough but we need you to ID the body Me looking at corpse: *takes deep breath* Are—are you over 21?
@2tickytacky: I had to memorize a random 18 digit password before she'd let me in. Guess who stole your Soap Opera Digest out of the mailbox, Mom?