@letschillyo: iPhones need a feature where an incoming call doesn’t take up the whole screen so u can do other things while u ignore a phone call
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@TheMichaelRock: HR: You can't urinate outside. Me: Then how will we keep the jellyfish away? HR: Can you take a drug test? Me: Nope, I'm all out of urine
@ThaJawn: Angel: God.. Were you drunk creating last night? God: no..... Angel: *holds up platypus God: a little..
@gwatts77: 9 yo: Hey dad, where is the rest of that ladies bikini? Me: That is actually called a G-string, son. 9: Oh, does the "G" stand for gross?