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@rodney_at_large: Ironically, I hate people who say "like us on Facebook".
@ShesARealGenius: "I hate when I can't think of the right word," she protesticulated.
@TheCiscoKidder: If dogs can eat raw chicken, so can I.
- dead people
Judge: You're on trial for excessive use of astronomy puns. How do you plead?
Defendant: *leans in until lips are on mic* No comet.
@huntigula: [mob about to stone a sinner]
JESUS: Stop! Let he who is without sin throw the first stone.
[mob drops rocks]
JESUS: [picks up rock]
@TheBoydP: How to paint a live flamingo:
1. Get a live flamingo
2. Paint it