@rodney_at_large: Ironically, I hate people who say "like us on Facebook".
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@Underchilde: Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby’s mouth when you couldn’t find a pacifier.
@Donna_McCoy: Friend: I wish this candy bar had less calories. Me: Let me see it... *eats half and hands it back* ...wish granted.
@Reverend_Scott: Carl: So hot today. Me: Tell me something I don't know. Carl: During WW II, Americans tried to train bats to drop bombs. Me: Fair enough.