@SaraESpivey: Ironically, the Boogeyman was a terrible dancer.
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@lisaxy424: me: I ONLY GOT 3 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT AND I FEEL GREAT MY BODY HAS FINALLY LEARNED TO EFFECTIVELY AND EFFICIENTLY USE ENERGY me, 4 minutes later: o god i am dying
@stephenjmolloy: Chief cop: "This might be racially motivated." Ian: "Hate crime?" Chief cop: "We all hate crime, Ian. That's why we are cops."
@brendohare: Why do people say "Cannonball" when jumping into a pool, but no one says "I'm jumping into a pool" when firing a cannonball #Interesting
@iwearaonesie: Cost of the ice cream my kid threw a tantrum in the grocery store to get: $5 The look on his face when I ate it for dinner: priceless