@JohnFugelsang: Irony is how Jesus is too Liberal for most of his own Fan Clubs
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@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.
@AbbyHasIssues: A group of crows is called a murder. A group of people walking slowly in front of me at the store is called a motive.
@mjkspeaks: [on phone with attorney] HIM: you're being charged for murder. ME: damn that sounds expensive i guess you can just put it on my Amex
@ibid78: Angel: "I think we can all agree that 6 is enough." God (clearly upset about something else): "NO. GIVE SPIDERS 8 LEGS."