@TinyNietzsche: Irony walks into a bar the same time as a Coincidence. The bartender asks what they want? "Not to be confused with each other."
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@Blarebare: Start a slow-clap in a quiet, crowded room. The first person that joins you, marry them. They're your soulmate.
@KalvinMacleod: GUY 1: a bee flew in my eye GUY 2: I just ate a bird GUY IN BACK: I can't hear u TOGETHER: there must be a better way NARRATOR: windshields
@OldSpookMan: A homeless guy asked me "would you give me $5 for a sandwich?" I said "I don't know man, show me the sandwich first."