@TinyNietzsche: Irony walks into a bar the same time as a Coincidence. The bartender asks what they want? "Not to be confused with each other."
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@CineRobert: "Waaaah, my boyfriend is a jerk, but I'm gonna tell twitter instead of him because I have the communication skills of a sea anemone."
@balloonsmatt: Your mother and I want you to know that we love you very much, so that’s why we’re getting a divorce and marrying you instead.