@somecleverthing: Irrational fear 807: being spoken to by a comedian during their performance. I would die a thousand proverbial deaths and a single real one.
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@amphy1981: (Showing off new car) Father-in-law: Looks good, what engine has it got? Me: *ultra confident* a grey & black one
@therealeatwood: [I am wearing a wedding gown at work] BOSS: Do you have a minute to chat in my office? ME: [lifting veil] I do
@100DollarChill: *Lysol kills 99.9% of germs on my counter* LYSOL: "Hey .1% germs... ( -_-)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■) Tell your friends"