@rzarosco: Is 6 celebrity impersonations too small a number for me to do on this first date? I feel like its a little low...
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@panmidwest: [ping pong] ME: 3 to 2, my serve JESUS: M: can I have the ba- J: the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve M: [exhales] every time
@Scott_A_Gilmore: Oh look! A guy with "Stand-Up Comic" in his bio unfollowed me two seconds after I followed back. That's never happened before.
@murrman5: [furious with son] wife: what happened? me: he talks back to me and is insulting me in Spanish [son from room] yolo isn't spanish me: ya see
@slimmy_shady: I don't want a boyfriend. Just someone to call me beautiful, love me right, and fix the clogged drain in my bathtub. Mostly the drain thing.