@ericonederful: Is divorce spelled with one bottle of champagne or two?
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@GoldenSpirals: Apparently... Border Security does NOT think it's funny when you reply, "I'm hungry" when they ask you if you have anything to declare.
@SamuelHLowe: When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn't think I'm a vegan.
@HatfieldAnne: Life Lessons from the Petting Zoo: -Everything bites -So much pushing -Did you bring quarters? -OMG, goats have the weirdest pupils
@joejwest: DOROTHY: What do these shoes do? GLINDA: Send you home D: Lame [tries new pair] And these? G: Wait- D: [clicks heels] [turns into hamburger]