@birbigs: I don't have a swimmer's body. I have more of a drowning to death body. #Olympics

@YoungFunE: I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I'm like "That's enough exercise for today"

@WheelTod: So psyched! My 1st granddaughter born today: 6lb11oz! Which is not the name I'd have chosen, but I guess I need to keep up with the times.

@TheMichaelRock: The average family income has gone up 2% while the cost of living has increased 23%. - Me explaining to my son why he can't have a sister.

@1Happytwit: Cats are weird. They look at you like they want to set you on fire then look all surprised when you toss them into the ceiling fan.