@ThaJawn: Dad Rabbit: Who is this Daughter Rabbit: My BF Emo BF Rabbit: gotta go babe, My band Bad Hare Cut has practice *flips ears away from eyes

@RobDenBleyker: Is there an app that makes the flatline noise? Bet I could freak out some nurses.

@jackiembouvier: I reached blindly inside my cavernous mom bag for a lip balm and I touched something I didn't recognize. Go on without me.

@MartaEffing: I know you've been here. I can smell you, still taste you on my lips. I crave more, but it's over now. Also, you're a donut. And I ate you.

@3sunzzz: Every time my husband wakes me up to tell me I'm snoring we end up having sex. I'm beginning to question whether or not I snore.