@mstluvstrinkets: Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?
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@uncle_fescue: Judge: jury, how do you find the defendant? Me: [whispering] dude, he's like…right there. Judge: there's no talking Me: [pointing]
@iamspacegirl: [answering door on halloween] NEIGHBORHOOD MOM: please stop giving the children hamsters ME *hands full of hamsters*: but it's Halloween
@CatherineLMK: Shaking hands is so weird: "Nice to meet you, have some germs and dead skin cells."