@mstluvstrinkets: Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?
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@So504real: Then: Me: I want McDonald's Mom: Do you have McDonald's money? Now: Mom: I want grandkids Me: Do you have grandkids money??
@Book_Krazy: Cop: Know why I pulled you over? "No" Cop: *points* Your buck naked [turns to deer in passenger seat] "Jesus Frank, put your fur back on"
@interwebmemes: 2016: No way will Trump win the election 2017: No way will President Trump fire all those nukes 2018: No way we're doing what those Apes say
@Allison_Tolman: Therapist: Participate in a hobby your partner enjoys. Me: Like sitting on paper bags? Therapist: No, not your cat. A human partner. Me: Oh.