@mstluvstrinkets: Is it against the law for postal workers to smile or was it my audacity to mail something?
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@dafloydsta: BOSS: We need to improve morale ME: Okay BOSS: How about an office party? ME: [crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies"] I guess
@timdonakowski: "We like the idea, we do. We're just afraid it's going to keep the viewer awake." - Sundance Channel execs
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, can you tell me a bedtime story? Me: Sure, once upon a time your mom & I used to get enough sleep. Then you came. The end.
@Ms_WhateverV: "You can't tell me what to do! I do what I want!"- toddlers, teenagers and US congress