@batkaren: Welcome to Super Villain University. Please refer to the enclosed packet for a sample course offering:

@sadmonsters: Why is everyone worried about meteors instead of the possibility that Russia just got their own Superman?

@NicestHippo: I only eat in two situations: when I'm hungry and when I'm not hungry

@slimmy_shady: Wife smelled eggs and thought I was bringing her breakfast in bed. How do I tell her it was just me with gas?!

@marcusparkersol: Using the toilet on the airplane means I'm certified to teach yoga now.