@Jake_Vig: Is it just me, or are fewer and fewer mustachioed cads tying women to the train tracks these days?
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@Shock_Monster: Hostess: Table for one? Me: More like TABLE FOR FUN, AMIRITE? Hostess: ... Me: ... Hostess: ... Me: Yes, one please.
@flashember: [to wife on phone] yes spend all our life savings on honey W: but- PLS JUST DO IT *ends phonecall* BEAR [holding gun to my head]: u did good
@jonnysun: my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard / their like, is this organic? do u hav a vegan option? can u make it with froyo insted