@JamieDMJ: Is it just me or are the puzzles on The Guardian website really easy?
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@ramblinma: All these people training for marathons and I'm over here, on my couch, trying to lasso the remote with my phone charger.
@Anon_imosity: [walks into bookstore] Me: do you have any books on turtles? Worker: Hard back? Me: Yeah, with little heads.
@ThingsJackDigs: PILOT OVER INTERCOM: I have some bad news, but before I tell you, keep in mind that the Wright bros could only stay airborne for 12 seconds
@Kim_pulsive: I had sex twice in 24hours and I'm so glad that I have 4000 people to brag about it to