@themorris23: Is it just me, or do toasters have like 4 settings too many? They should have 1 setting that reads: "Toast"
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@turtledumplin: Boss left his email open. Me: *looks around, send email to district manager "i love you" Now we wait
@timdonakowski: My master plan is to forget sunglasses at every location in the world so wherever I am I’ll always have sunglasses.
@DanMentos: LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you're on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
@noneofyours99: I showed my family facebook a few years ago, and haven't heard from them since. Best decision ever