@chuuew: Is it okay for men to sit down to pee? The manager of this sofa store doesn't seem to think so.
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@CaptainJerkwad: Hate being a funeral director "why'd u take the job?" I inherited it from my dad "You could've just declined it" And lose my first customer?
@michaelajeffery: Watched a guy buy several single bananas at various stages of ripeness (instead of a bunch). Realized I was in the presence of genius.
@dorsalstream: [time machine appears in my old bedroom] FUTURE ME: Put that book down, go outside, and enjoy your youth. YOUNG ME: [stunned] Okay, okay *runs outside* [time machine ceases to exist] FUTURE ME: Dammit. I really should have thought this through.