@nsterdan: Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they're talking?
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@bazecraze: Morpheus: "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and--" Me: "Blue pill."
@owlbacon: They should make realistic pregnancy test commercials. 2 best friends in a bathroom praying for a neg & celebrating w a shot & a happy dance
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] No, he could speak more languages than that. He had racist shoulders. His front teeth were impatient.
@GingerGander: A new study says vegetarians die younger than smokers, on average, so don't smoke your vegetables...