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@sageboggs: Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me?
@aeharder: The efficient part about falling asleep on the toilet at work is that inevitably someone who had beans for lunch will come and wake you.
@AGStr8upNinja: Cop: Do you have any drugs in the car?
Me: Nope, payday isn't until Thursday.
@Underchilde: Can’t believe tomorrow is Take Your Alcohol to Work Day.
@TylerLinkin: A news report says hackers stole $1 Billion dollars from banks around the world. And several pens.
@Amusitr0n: If someone's embarrassed just tell them an astronaut did the same thing. For example, "It's ok, Buzz Aldren once shit himself in an Arby's"