@shanethevein: Is it still casual sex if you're wearing a tuxedo?
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@samalmightysam: I wanna get on a taxi and after riding around a while without saying anything, tell the driver 'I killed myself on that bridge 2 years ago'
@bridger_w: If you need a ride to the airport, give me at least two weeks notice so I'll have a chance to clear my schedule and die
@longwall26: Just a reminder that your coworkers aren't going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
@spikeWilton67: Relationship Status: Got put in the friend zone by a succubus playing around on a Ouija board. I can't even get lucky in the spirit world.