@shanethevein: Is it still casual sex if you're wearing a tuxedo?
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@CulturedRuffian: Thankful public education taught us Algebra instead of how to do taxes. Because 2 things are certain: 1) Death 2) The Pythagorean Theorem
@walks_on_legs: Throwing burgers around furniture because I have a hunch that termites only eat wood because they have not tried anything tastier.
@ibid78: [financial advisor] based on your income and savings you can retire at age 116 [me] *slips her $100* let's make it 112 [her] now it's 120