@Thedudish: Is it true animals can sense danger? The cat's been wearing a helmet all week, and it makes me nervous.
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@TrueTorontoGirl: [Boss stands at my desk] Can I see you in my office? [I stare curiously] You can see me here, right?
@deenasjoint: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.
@Brampersandon_: CASHIER: $57.85 ME: do u accept food stamps C: of course M: sweet *presses my apple stamper to an ink pad* which hand do u want it on
@weinerdog4life: Tie a sweater around your waist so you can pretend a short ghost is hugging you.