@jollyrobber: Is it wrong to make change from the collection plate? Asking for a friend.
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@InternetHippo: [inventing dialup internet] What should it sound like when it's connecting? [guy in the back stands up confidently] Pterodactyls
@amishschool: My doctor said I can get back to my college weight if I simply go for a brisk three hundred mile walk each morning.
@OfficialMizGin: Annoying guy trying to hit on me: This is like a scene from a romantic movie. Me: Yeah, I’m the iceberg and you’re the Titanic. #Queen