@jollyrobber: Is it wrong to make change from the collection plate? Asking for a friend.
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@FunnyMojoJojo: When one door closes another one opens. ... Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that's how doors work...!!
@juliussharpe: Someone tell my kid that if I wanted to hear high-pitched shrieking all night, I would have become a murderer.
@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: I told you to slow down. Cop: License & registration, please. Wife (opens glovebox): Divorce papers? Me: Look underneath them.