@jollyrobber: Is it wrong to make change from the collection plate? Asking for a friend.
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@UnrealRogue: [Exchanging gifts at family's house] *family opens up my gifts -uh, a history book? Your Facebook post suggested that you needed it.
@sarcasm_inc: *The Terminator opens a fortune cookie. "It is ok to kill many people. Many killings are coming your way." John: I know it doesn't say that.
@goldengateblond: You may think a squirt of water in the face is the best way to reprimand cats but turns out it works pretty well on people too.