@Thedudish: "Is my butt is too big?" my girlfriend asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Sensing a trap, I fell to the ground and played dead.
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@SteveKoehler22: Hey big accounts - What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ? My cat would be dead before I got 50
@Samiam556: Walks you into the bedroom. Stands you up straight against the wall. *you notice the sign that says "You must be this tall to ride this guy"
@Mr_Kapowski: With the ferocity that my 6 y/o daughter knocked on the bathroom door there was either a murderer in the house or a cat did something cute