@bridger_w: Is one of the steps in the P90X workout to tell everyone on Facebook that you're doing it?
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@JediGigi: Boss: I need you to come into work at 7 instead of 9 tomorrow. Me: Can't. Boss: Why? Me: I'll be asleep until 8:30.
@WheelTod: [Animal Shelter] Me: “I’m here to pick up a rescue dog.” Her: “And what kind of dog did you have in mind?” Me: “Well, mostly I'll be needing him to drag me passed out drunk from buildings I’ve set on fire with lit cigarettes. So... a strong one. Oh & ideally he knows CPR.”
@TheWoodenslurpy: Me *hesitates to do CPR on a friend who’s on the floor, unconscious*: What if he comes back as a zombie 911 Operator: No, he'd have to be dead awhile, then reanimated through some kind of disease vector or lightning storm. Me: Thank you! Operator: That’s what we're here for.
@noog: Batman Pros: Intelligence, strategist, master fighter, money, Shit shaped like bats, Alfred Cons: Robin