@bridger_w: Is one of the steps in the P90X workout to tell everyone on Facebook that you're doing it?
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@DrakeGatsby: Therapist: We need to discuss why you think the moon is your enemy. Me: He controls the tides, you know. That’s too much power. Newscast in the background: “-unprecedented number of tsunamis this year-“ Me: He’s trying to silence me.
@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing? ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WIFE: You're teaching the dog karate? ME: Then it's exactly what it looks like.
@NINETIREDBUGS: the moon has NO GENDER and IS MY BEST FRIEND and SAID YOU GUYS HAVE TO BE NICE TO ME OR IT'S CANCELING TIDES FOREVER
@KentWGraham: I don't understand how God can have Ten Commandments for the whole world, and my wife can have 152 just for our house.