@bridger_w: Is one of the steps in the P90X workout to tell everyone on Facebook that you're doing it?
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@Jake_Vig: HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like? ME: I don’t think that will fit me.
@nattylumpo88: I wish Kristen from finance would tell us her husband was an "attorney" one more time so I could feel better about shitting in her purse.
@badbanana: Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
@necrosocks: [Concert] Triangle player: *proudly playing his triangle [Octagon player struts on stage] Triangle player: "What the-"