@MattOswaltVA: is Quentin Tarantino directing 2016?
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@SortaBad: Roses are red Violets are blue Stop clicking your pen when you talk to me Kevin I swear I will murder your face with my tape dispenser
@YoungNobler: Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien.
@Robert_Beau: The Job Interview: HR: So you are bilingual? Me: Si HR: In your native tongue please. Me: Ooga Booga
@iwearaonesie: wife: That guy is texting and driving! That is so dangerous! me [holding a donut in each hand and steering with my knee]: So dangerous