@marcusparkersol: Is running in front of cars some sort of gang initiation for squirrels?
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@Sir_Strange: "Oh my god, you've gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mother
@Token_Geezer: When I'm in a room full of toddlers, I can't help but scan it for potential serial killers
@iwearaonesie: coworker: Do you want a plate? me [carrying 2 pieces of cake out of the break room] For what?
@BoucheDag2k: Guy getting on elevator in my office building.." Going Down?" Me: "No, but I've got time for a hug"