@Tommytoughstuff: Is that a banana in your pocket or... oh wait that is a banana. Sir I'm with super market security. Please come with me.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@YoungNobler: Mike Pence has a strong resume, including Governor of Indiana and Shawshank Prison Guard. #VPDebate
@ArfMeasures: ME: The kids have ruined their shoes WIFE: Again? [sighs] Just throw them out [Later] ME: Stop crying kids, your mum says you have to leave
@robdelaney: Haha my cousin's safeword is "chalice." (We don't have sex; I saw it cuz I hacked his email to get his salmon casserole recipe)
@okimstillhungry: “Do you want to hold my baby?” Yeah nice try. You got yourself into this mess you hold your own damn baby.