@maybenotstef: Is there a morning after pill to erase all the texts from the night before?
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@truegritrumble: HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating. ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture.
@QwertyJones3: "Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let's try to actually get something done today. All in favor?" Crowd: "NEIGH!" "Jesus Christ."
@Book_Krazy: *In the elevator* Guy: Good morning ladies. You two going down? Me: No. We're just friends Guy: ....
@stuckinaportal: look son, i kinda need you to go to hong kong & win a martial arts tournament to the death for me because i sorta told my neighbor you did