@maybenotstef: Is there a morning after pill to erase all the texts from the night before?
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@InternetHippo: PARENTS: When someone offers you drugs, you say no! ME (going out into the world): I'm ready [literally no one offers me drugs ever]
@johnroderick: Planning to edit the three Hobbit movies into one watchable movie. Should I use Instagram or Vine?
@XplodingUnicorn: Optometrist: Any questions about laser eye surgery? Me: How big of lasers will my eyes shoot? Him: Me: Him: How much money do you have?