@maybenotstef: Is there a morning after pill to erase all the texts from the night before?
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@badbanana: URGENT! IF MY BOSS ASKS YOU IF IT'S REALLY "NATIONAL THROW YOUR COFFEE AT YOUR BOSS DAY" PLEASE SAY YES.
@FreudsTwin: Mad scientist- Checks for Labs Bartender- Checks for Tabs Boxer- Checks for Jabs Uber- Checks for Cabs Your back - Checks for Stabs
@AbiWilks: My toddler just asked me "mummy why do people think falsely attributing quotes to my preschool peers lends their bad opinions authenticity?"
@LuvPug: Wrapping presents takes a LOT longer when your kid sneaks up behind you & cuts off your arm with an empty wrapping paper tube lightsaber.