@JaneSays___: Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone's mouth while they're talking?
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@sirmunchie: Someday, my kids will say "daddy, wanna hear a cool story" and it will actually be followed by the telling of a cool story.
@Deurb1: While fixing my neighbors car I asked her for a screwdriver... She asked if I had orange juice. We've been dating since.
@david8hughes: [batteries in my TV remote die for the first time since I bought it 4 years ago] "Useless piece of shit."
@heyevergreen: Wrong hole. Wrong hole. Wrong hole. Wrong hole. -trying to put on my distressed denim jeans