@StickyickyBuns: Is there an app to delete your number out of other people's phones yet?
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@Crunk_Jews: [blind date] Her: I was so scared you'd be a weirdo Me [revving chainsaw]: I CANT HEAR YOU
@DanMentos: “Hello, 912” wait did u say 912? “yup” I meant to dial 911 “happens all the time” lol I’m such a goof “haha right?” my neighbor got stabbed
@KarlreMarks: When I travel I just throw my clothes in a suitcase because I know as an Arab they will search me at the airport and fold my clothes neatly.
@hipstermermaid: The year is 2030: All corporations have merged and every night before bed you say a prayer to your cable company.