@isabelzawtun: Is there any rejection more humiliating than when you try to tickle someone and it doesn't work
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@AristotlesNZ: The obvious way to smuggle drugs past a drug sniffing dog would be to hide it in another dog's ass.
@Phook75: Opening a bag of M&M's will produce no sound to a normal human. A toddler, it's like the atomic blast at Nagasaki to those creatures
@beccalynward: Overheard at work: Mom to her little daughter: “what’s that in your hair? Is that a piece of chicken nugget??” Little girl, very excitedly: “YEAH!”
@stevevsninjas: Son: Mom fell thru the ice! Dad: Grab a new box of cereal! *Opens bottom of box* Mom [bursting through ice]: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?