@mishakey: Is there anything better than being fit and healthy? Yes. Pizza and beer.
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@zachreinert03: My 5th grade teacher said my life would never be worth anything but my wife paid a homeless man $3 to kill me so suck it Mrs. Jacobsen
@themiltron: i couldn't tell you, officer, they were wearing masks, they could have been any group of armed anthropomorphic turtles
@GingerHotDish: Me: (slightly intoxicated ) I don’t think our cat understands me at all. 16: Mom, put the guinea pig back in his cage please. You’re scaring him.