@mishakey: Is there anything better than being fit and healthy? Yes. Pizza and beer.
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@Robert_Beau: I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea.
@chadchaines: I know repetitive noises irritate people so I'm surprised there weren't more rage-induced murders back when typewriters were being used
@notacroc: [date] HER: the last guy i went out with was as boring as a sack of potatoes ME: [gets up from table] my son is a potato
@FSUSteve: Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?