@Ristolable: "Is there really a fire? Prove it." -Mrs. Doubtfire
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@brittwastaken: I see you from across the room and falter. My breath catches as my pupils dilate with desire. You, a muffin, remain motionless.
@P_o_n_k: INVESTOR: But how will I know when it's done? INVENTOR OF THE TOASTER: Think of the most startled you've ever been.
@ewfeez: Showed my daughter “The Karate Kid” and now she’ll happily do any manual labor if I just tell her we are “training.”
@DurtMcHurtt: [funeral] Her: why is my dead grandfather wearing a diamond ring? *sliding it off his finger* Me: *gets down on one knee* because babe...