@brennadine: Is there something about me that suggests I want to hear about your smoothie cleanse, because I can change.
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@TheToddWilliams: Millions of years ago dinosaurs ruled the earth but like all great empires they were eventually brought down by corruption and voter fatigue
@aneesa_p: Shout out to authentic Indian restaurants that encourage eating using only the hands. They don't give a fork.
@jordan_stratton: WIFE: I thought you said you were going to the gym. ME: [playing Pokémon Go] I've been to like 3 of them today. What are you talking about?