@brennadine: Is there something about me that suggests I want to hear about your smoothie cleanse, because I can change.
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@shkeeber: Mom: Where're you going? Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends? Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...
@ElKnuckelhombre: Me: Ohhh, MARITAL arts workshop...now I really feel stupid in this karate outfit. Wife to therapist: Do you see what I'm dealing with here?
@KatieBurnett: Facebook's great for when you wanna see a picture or a joke you saw on Twitter four years ago
@LorieGZ: My husband thinks The Bachelor show is fake, they're all there to be actors, and that it's total bullshit. Then he turned to wrestling.