@pixelatedboat: Is there something I can hang around my neck to show that I'm a big fan of crucifixions?
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@JasonBerlin: You're never gonna believe this, but I feel negatively about the day of the week when I have to stop relaxing and resume working.
@MummaCrazy: I'm just gonna go ahead and change my boys names to "Stop making that stupid noise" and "Where are your shoes?".
@RdrJay47: Her: What brings you to speed dating? Me: I just ran out of the fancy shampoo my previous GF bought for me.