@SmartassChef: Is there such a thing as filthy clean? Let's take a shower together and find out.
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@SteveSuckington: "Here kid. I hope you like not getting laid until college because your bedroom is a giant dinosaur now." -extreme home makeover
@SteveSuckington: Hostess: enjoy these complimentary after dinner mints Mints: you have beautiful eyes Me: [blushing] wow they're very complimentary
@tragecies: Biden: What if we paint the Mexican flag in the office Obama: Joe, no Biden: I already ordered the paint Obama: Joe
@adamhess1: The girl I just showed off my Fitbit to thought I was really cool until she saw my heart rate increasing with every second she spoke to me