@RandomlyMJ: Is there such a thing as spontaneous feline combustion? Anyway, baking soda and vinegar are terrible for cats.
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@aveuaskew: My dad only says I love you on special occasions like birthdays, holidays, and competency hearings.
@chadchaines: I know repetitive noises irritate people so I'm surprised there weren't more rage-induced murders back when typewriters were being used
@weinerdog4life: If everyone would stop screaming, I'm sure we'd all agree I'm not supposed to be in this women's restroom.
@katiefzack: Whenever I order room service and the person tells me how long until the food arrives, I whisper, "If I'm alive by then," and hang up.